Who?
by Infusiion
Summary: Cuddy, Wilson and Stacy have a rather strange conversation involving the Ducklings, House and weapons.


**I think you will agree with me when I say this fic is slightly weird. Wilson, Cuddy and Stacy discuss House's effect on the Ducklings... sort of. Read and find out! **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone or anything.**

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"So… Who do you think, Dr Wilson?" Cuddy asked, crossing one leg over the other casually as she cradled her cup of coffee.

"Well, to be honest… you." Wilson replied, looking slightly uncomfortable. Cuddy chuckled lightly and took a sip from her mug. Beside her Stacy was nodding, with one eyebrow arched in a thoughtful expression.

"Yeah, Lisa… That does make sense." Cuddy shook her head, and tilted it toward her friend.

"Now, really Stacy. Do give me some credit." She replied, pouting. Wilson smirked, and opened his mouth as if to say something. When he finally found the words, both Cuddy and Stacy turned their attention to him.

"Now that I think about it, I'm gonna have to say Cameron." Cuddy frowned, but Stacy nodded earnestly.

"Definitely. It'll be all that pent-up sexual frustration that does it." She joked. Wilson snorted.

"Seriously, though. I think she'll just snap." He said when he had wiped the excess coffee off his chin.

"Okay… So, what about you Stacy?" Cuddy asked the other woman.

"Foreman." Stacy answered shortly before gulping down some iced tea.

"You seem so sure. Why?"

"Come on, have you seen the way Greg treats him? I swear, if I had half the self-control that man does…" She fished around for something witty to say.

"You'd be a crap lawyer – that's for sure." Wilson added. Stacy turned to him with a pained look on her face.

"Thank you Dr Wilson." She replied in a tone not unlike House.

After a minute of silence both Wilson and Stacy turned in their seats to gaze at Cuddy.

"Okay, we've said ours – what about you? Who do you reckon?"

"Chase" The Dean of Medicine replied.

Wilson blinked. "Why?"

"Because no one else said him?"

"What? Give a real reason."

"He's cute?"

"Lisa!" Stacy exclaimed, trying to hold back a girlish giggle. Wilson crinkled his nose in disgust. "No, really Cuddy. Give us a real reason, or just say you agree with Cameron or Foreman."

Cuddy sighed and leaned back in her chair.

"Dr Chase has proved on numerous occasions that he has little or no self control, and he is also quite hot-tempered when he wants to be." Cuddy recited as if she were writing a school report on a problem student.

Wilson and Stacy thought about her statement for a few moments, then nodded in unison.

"Yeah… Chase seems most likely. It could only take one particularly insensitive comment from Greg and he would go boom, whereas it would take a lot more for Foreman or Cameron to lose it." Stacy concluded. Wilson opened his mouth to interrupt.

"Actually, I don't think it would take that much for Cameron or Foreman to snap. You don't know how much they're bottling up. It would have to be a lot." He argued. Stacy nodded in a defeated gesture.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. Let's just say they're all on equal odds" She said, turning her head to look at her friends, who nodded in return.

After another few minutes of silence, Cuddy put her mug on the table and re-crossed her legs.

"So… weapon of choice?" She asked conversationally.

Stacy thought about it for a moment. "Let's see… Foreman… Probably something neat – something that gets it over with, nice and clean with no complications." She stopped to rethink her statement, before shaking her head and continuing.

"Actually, scratch that. He wouldn't be in his right mind, so I'll just say whatever he can get his hands on. But if he did have an ounce of Foreman-ness left in his psychopathic mindset, he would use drugs, or an air-filled syringe or something. Yeah, I think drugs for Foreman. I think he would find the irony amusing. You know, with House being a drug-addict and all."

Wilson and Cuddy found the irony amusing also.

Cuddy cleared her throat. "Now, Chase… I think Chase's weapon of choice would be… Oh God, I don't know." She screwed up her face in deep thought for a moment, before relaxing it and beaming a triumphant grin.

"I think Chase's weapon of choice would be whatever he could get his bloody hands on at the time!" She announced in a slightly maniacal manner, making Wilson and Stacy laugh into their mugs.

"So what about Cameron, Wilson?" Stacy asked as she finished her iced tea. Wilson didn't need to think about it for a second.

"That's easy." He answered.

"Well?" Cuddy prompted when he didn't elaborate. He turned and smirked at the two women.

"Cameron would beat him with his own cane."

Cuddy and Stacy spiralled into fits of giggles, which didn't subside for a good four minutes. Wilson's statement did arouse some amusing mental images.

Thetwo doctors and the lawyersighed and gazed across the courtyard into the hospital windows.

"When, do you think?" Cuddy murmured.

Stacy shrugged. "No idea." She answered quietly. Wilson shook his head.

"It's gotta be soon." He stated as the three of them continued gazing through the windows, where House was slumped in a chair, poking passer-by with his cane, while simultaneously sending false pages to his employees.

All at once they turned their faces to the sky, and watched as three pagers were sent flying through a window on the Diagnostics floor.

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_yes, maybe the ending could have been better, but what are ya gonna do? REVIEW, that's what!_


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